The Gifts of Celibacy!
Everything happens when we are ready and nothing happens until we are ready. Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.
I started writing this blog post at the beginning of the year to reflect on some of the lessons that 2015 brought me. Lessons like:
- Don't make someone a priority when all you are is an option.
- The first time someone shows you who they are- believe them! Maya Angelou
- As an African American woman living in this country, Sandra Bland could have been me!
- Celebrate life! After experiencing the sudden death of a loved one, I was reminded that there are people in my life today that may not be in my life tomorrow.
- "I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?" Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks), Shipwrecked
- I am an elder!
- High Energy High Vibrations
- Trust means doing something that makes no sense! After all, nothing beats a failure but a try.
- When you know what you want, go for it! Anything else is a waste of time.
It had the making of a beautiful beginning. I was writing on a roll and was planning the outline to go into greater detail with each of these lessons until I got to number 10.
I can laugh about it now but I literally closed the notebook and walked away from writing the blog. Even though I knew what I was being led to do, I wasn't ready- until today! Six months later.
Perhaps part of my resistance to receive the gift of what I was calling into my life was that I never quite understood celibacy or why a person would choose celibacy. To me, sex is one of the greatest gifts ever! I also saw celibacy as a scorned woman's friend of which I didn't want to have any parts of - regardless of how bad the relationship was. I wanted to always be open to love and that meant being open to sex.
Slightly off topic, but speaking to the nature of my own sexuality, last week I wrote on my FB timeline that for the record, I am a heterosexual female and I love men! I prefer men! I love men and I love how men feel inside of me! I love the way they feel when I snuggle beside them and lay wrapped in their arms. I love the way their cologne smells and lingers on their bodies as my nostrils expand taking deep breaths to take in another whiff...I love their strength and the way God created them to do things and to think in ways that women just don't. I love you tall! I love you short! I love you skinny and I love you fat! Smile...I love men!
And, for the record, I love women! I love how my own hands feel gliding on my gushy body and the warmth that radiates between my thighs. I love caressing my own breasts and I love having my breasts and the rest of my body touched! I love the way we dance and the way we move and the curves that follow our bodies. We come in all different shapes and sizes and there is a wonderment that each of us carries. I love women! I love knowing that we truly are Mother Earth and as the carriers and nurtures of all the Kings (and Queens) who have ever walked, we rock! We can do things that men just can't do!
Sexuality and sensuality are gifts bestowed to all of us! They are human - nature! We each have an inherent right to our preference(s) and the creativity that comes with maturity and the evolution of our consciousness. Priceless! The dogma of society teaches us one way to be, but the liberation of spirituality has taught me the many paths to ONE.
Though my preference is men [today] I have often believed that bisexuality was one of the greatest expressions of love. Why? Because if you could love and be in divine relations with a man or a woman, then to me, that was the greatest form of love.
As I continue to evolve, it could be that simply appreciating and honoring the inherent dignity and worth of people's right to chose - and loving them anyway is the greatest form of love.
Today I have embarked on a journey and I want to publicly thank all of the men in my life who have touched me in amazing ways. I am filled with gratitude from the joy, the lessons, the heartache, and the memories that each of you have left me with. Thank you!
Sex, has never been an issue in any of my relationships. My sensuality is intertwined in the fibers of who I am! I ooze it!
But I realize how much more I have to give (and receive) and I am ready to let go with the right person. I don't feel good about compromising my standards or giving myself away anymore. I am a Queen! I also realize that I want more (and deserve more) and I believe that there is a King looking for me to fit his glass slipper...
He's loyal, committed, loving, respectful, and the best partner I could ask for.
To me LOYALTY isn't interested in entertaining other women while you're with me. COMMITMENT is sticking by my side through thick and thin as we grow (old) together. LOVE is the care and concern you give by watering those places that may be broken with compassion, having the courage to see the mirror of my perfect imperfections within yourself, and loving me anyway. With public displays of affection, RESPECT is honoring me as the queen in your life and treating me like I am important - because I am! PARTNERSHIP is sharing the responsibilities of a creating a healthy relationship (the one we desire) and meeting challenges head on and figuring them out together.
I'm not sure how long I'll be on this journey [celibacy] but I know it will be at least 90 days. (Smile) May the gifts be plentiful!