The Pain of Change
I made a powerful declaration this week when I told myself, I am done with the old lessons and affirmed that, I am ready for new lessons! More powerful, was tapping into the energy of that moment of being aligned with the intention of my greatest and highest good and seeing it manifest instantaneously.
I struggled with weight and addiction to sugar for more than half of my life. The journey has been a hoot! In the past, like many of us who have been on this journey, I've done fad diets, kept food journals, wrapped myself in plastic, took diet pills, water pills, and I even did weight watchers too! I remember those weigh in days over 20 years ago. They were some of the worst and best days. Worst, because I hated the scale. Best, because right after weigh in, I would reward myself with the most fattening things I could eat. LOL!
Nevertheless, I enjoyed weight watchers. In my opinion, the old plans were more focused on nutrition and a balanced diet. I enjoyed learning about how my body responded to healthy eating! The newer plans lost my interest because they were more focused on calories and I could essentially make unhealthy choices as long as I stayed within the point system. I didn't find as much honor in that!
It's been over 10 years since my last weight watcher's meeting and I haven't owned a scale since. Amazingly, I dropped more weight without a scale than with one. Go figure? And though I still struggle with sugar cravings, I also ditched many of the unhealthy patterns that followed me. The beauty of the journey can be found in the lessons that I am still learning along the way. Exercise and nutrition go hand in hand; nothing beats a healthy body image more than self love, acceptance, and simply the choices that I make. And, through a quote I learned from a facilitator of the last meeting that I attended, “Change will come when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
Usually, the tell tale sign of an addiction is letting something go. I can appreciate the quote from Micheal Beckwith's Life Visioning Workbook, “Remember, 100% of spiritual growth, development, is about letting go of that which hinders insight and revelation.” Through my relationship with food over the years, removing things from my diet, journaling, and periods of spiritual fasting, I've been able to make some of those connections. It too, has allowed me to be more compassionate with myself and those around me struggling with habitual habits. Addictions come in many forms, and depending on the substance or patterns of abuse, the consequences may be different, but our brain does not understand the difference. To me, and to the research on the subject, there is no separation! We are all in this together! We are one!
It can be painful to watch someone you love suffer. It is more painful for the person experiencing the suffering. I've watched my own cyclical patterns of abuse play out in my own life but I knew that when the pain became intolerable, change would come! So, it didn't surprise me when my daughter, who has watched me move through some painful periods in my life and who happens to be one of my biggest cheerleaders, showed up on the day of my declaration and said, “Mommy, aren't you tired of being stuck!”
I took a breath and smiled. I looked in the eyes of wisdom and the innocence of her youth and said, “Yes, I am.”
Life is not like a school – Life is a school! It is a school of unlimited opportunities to learn, to grow, to develop, and to become more of who we are. We are born perfectly imperfect, and it seems unfortunate that because our experiences, our parental influences, and because of societal pressures to conform and fit in, many of us must unlearn so much of what we've been taught or taught ourselves.
I learned that tests were bad! Being wrong meant that I was wrong; that I had done something wrong; or that I didn't do it right. I learned to hold on to being right rather than to take the risk with courage to be wrong. I had once considered myself an overachiever, but in truth, through the fear that was paralyzing me from moving further, I was underachieving. Until today!